Why “faking it” isn’t enough - how hypnotherapy builds true, lasting confidence

If I said everyone wants to have a high level of it, but most of us don’t, what do you think I might be talking about?

Money? Love?

What about confidence?

Increasing your level of confidence can open doors for your career, for your relationships, your self-love and most other aspects of your life. It can lead to more money, more loving relationships, and more self-worth. 

We look at others and think they just naturally have this huge level of confidence. But I will let you in on a little secret:

Most people are faking it or have worked really hard to gain it.

It doesn’t just happen. And it’s not so easy - it takes work. However, the work can be simple to go after. I have seen it for myself and for the clients I work with.

In the last few years I have been doing a lot of personal development work, and what I’ve noticed is that most times, the root of my issues stem back to my fears and a lack of confidence. 

Whenever I examine a situation and look at my past, I can pinpoint some very poignant times when my confidence was rattled and how those times just built on one another over the years to put me in a deficit when it came to my confidence level. 

Think of it like an ice cream sundae – with me being the ice cream. I am solid and holding it together strong and confident…and then you add some hot fudge (which is the first time I had my confidence rattled). 

That warm fudge lays on top and starts to slowly melt the ice cream away. 

Then layer on the caramel sauce, another event that happened to lessen my confidence level and melt my confidence away even more. 

On top of that goes nuts, whipped cream and a cherry, all other events playing out over time that weighed me down until I was a heavy and melted mess that was insecure with no confidence left. 

Should you just fake it ‘til you make it?

I used to subscribe to the philosophy of “fake it ‘til you make it” - and sometimes, it can still prove useful. But in most instances, I have found this to be a really unhelp mindset. 

There’s something to be said for stepping outside your comfort zone, pushing yourself to show up, and acting as if you already have the confidence you’re striving for. It can help you take those first shaky steps toward growth, and sometimes, that’s exactly what’s needed.

But here’s the thing: faking it will only get you so far. If you’re constantly pretending to be confident without doing the deeper work to actually feel confident, it can start to weigh on you.

Instead of building self-belief, you might find yourself trapped in a cycle of imposter syndrome, self-doubt, and exhaustion from always "performing." I know I did.

Real confidence isn’t about putting on a mask - it’s about rewiring the beliefs that tell you you’re not enough in the first place. It’s about unlearning the patterns that have kept you stuck and rebuilding from the inside out. That’s why doing the inner work - whether it’s through self-reflection, therapy, hypnotherapy, or mindset coaching - is so crucial. Because when you genuinely believe in yourself, you don’t have to fake a thing.

Sure, there’ll still be moments of hesitation, and seconds of doubt - but true confidence comes from within, not just the version of yourself you’re pretending to be. 

Remember - as the saying goes: confidence begets confidence. The more you start to believe in yourself, the more you approach situations from a place of confidence - and often, the more you achieve, which creates its own confidence feedback loop.

My experience with doing the “inner” work

In the last several years, I have been doing a lot of the “inner” work to help me grow in my personal and professional life.

And, it gets uncomfortable at times. Facing your demons, acknowledging your feelings isn’t easy - and I promise you, it’s far from linear. It can be a total roller coaster ride at times. 

But some of the most transformative work I’ve been doing has been to connect with others on the same journey as I am, to find or maintain their level of self-worth and self-confidence. 

The more I was open to discussing my lack of confidence, the more I was able to see there are so many others out there feeling the same way, both women and men. We have all had different experiences in life that have led us to this point. But the commonality is that we are all at the same place - fighting the daily battle to understand what brought us to this place and how we can work to grow out of it. And doing this work myself, has really aided me in being able to help my clients who are struggling in ways I have before. 

When we can all get a little more vulnerable and start normalizing some of these conversations, we will see that we are all more alike than we want to realize and are facing the same daily struggles. 

Life isn’t just the highlight reels we see online. 

So, if you find your levels of self-confidence and self-worth are challenged or even non-existent, I encourage you to get a little more vulnerable and start connecting with others on the same journey. I think you will quickly see you are not alone and have more in common with others than you realize. 

And if you’re not sure where to start, let me be the first connection point you make! Message me on IG or sign up for my email list to connect and meet other like minded individuals.